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Unfortunately in this era, many people are not aware of the importance of empathy, in fact, many are not even interested to know what this ‘verb’ means. Why Empathy is Difficult For Some People?
Why Empathy is Difficult For Some People?
Empathy is to place our own selves into someone else’s shoes, to feel and share the pain of others, open our mind to other‘s perspective and to take action to help them out of their situation and feel better.
There are four type of interpersonal attachments: apathy, narcissism, co-dependence and empathy. apathy means no connection to others like if someone is apathetic, they don’t care anything about anyone. They leave people to their own selves and leave other’s emotions ignored. Whereas, narcissism is very cruel. Narcissist don’t care but they also criticize and try to shutter the feelings of others. They are selfish and go around make people feel even worse. Co dependence means that some people are soo sensitive and vulnerable that other people can easily destroy them. They are obliterated by others. Empathy is the best way to get attached to any living being, be it a human or animal.
There are many benefits of empathy: It strengthens the bond of two people and prevent us from depression and anxiety. It also makes us more compassionate human being.
It is a myth that people say that empathy is some intuitive gifted power or inborn, some also say that empaths have super powers. Some believe that people who are not born with empathy are deprived of it for their entire life. It is not true! Remember that we are only 20% of nature and 80% of nurture. Many things that compose our personality or character is not something that we inherit from others but have being nurtured in us by our parents, peers and environment.
The main reason, I believe, why some people cannot be empathetic is because either they have not been nurtured with it themselves or the people around them modeled narcissism, codependency or apathy.
How can empathy strengthen our relationship?
Many our times in our lives, we are conflicted with tribulation. Everyone have their own perception of how they view their life or trials and everyone act in those trials in accordance with their own perception or understanding. some like to distance themselves to find themselves, some like to go on a journey to give a break, some like to talk to people. Empathy helps us to understand these differences of people, which strengthens our relationship and make others feel better.
Sometime in our life, we all come across this point in our life where we have to be none but an em-path and compassionate of others for the sake of our own true happiness. How can you live your whole life get sick thinking that that person didn’t gave you enough time of their selves or they stopped talking to you? Who knows what that person is going through, right? Maybe their pain is more greater than ours. But we always dive into the thinking about what others did to us but never think about what we did to them.
The one of the most biggest problem we have in this world is that we don’t listen to understand but we listen to argue. We listen to them though our own prejudices but fail to understand that they have their own perception too. Many times people would share their problems not to find a solution, but to be heard and understood. People who’s voices almost always go unheard always look for the ways that they do. They share their problems even when they know the solution. Because it is not the solution that they need but a deeper level of understanding and connection.
To empathy is to understand that others have their tough times too. But empathy does not end here. It is always followed by compassion. Once you have shared their feelings and understood what they’re suffering from, perform an act of gentle kindness, it doesn’t have to be big, as small as a sincere touch would do its job too, and then try to make them feel better: This is empathy!
As for those who find empathy hard: it’s not as hard as it looks. I have suffered from this too. Many times in our life when we needed to be understood the most, we are pissed off. and then we are most of the time alone with our problems. But this doesn’t mean that other’s behaviour toward you should define you. You can be an empath, if you really want to, even if you have not been nurtured with it. Here are few steps on how to nurture empathy in your own self:
- Try talking to a stranger every week (if possible): The more people you talk to, the more wide and open your mind your mind becomes. You begin to know people who are out of your own life experiences.
- Be kind to animals: Anything would work! Feeding them, giving them water, talking to them even!
- Develop curiosity about people: it will filter out your prejudices and help to view other’s perception more clearly. Don’t just jump to answer or argue, calm down, and ask them questions that will make you understand.
- Try another person’s life: Volunteer to help someone, like a farmer. Or spend some time in orphanage.
Empathy is what blend colour into our lives!